Paul passed away on April 24, 2013. I was in the room when he passed. I think back on it and still feel like I’m watching some horrible movie that I cannot turn off. I see all the machines and I can tell he is not there even before we turn them off. I try to talk to him, tell him that if he needs to go I would be ok. I will take care of the parents for him. I love him. I will miss him. He turns a bit towards the sound of my voice. Then the song “Yesterday” by the Beatles comes on.
While I prepared for my parents to get older and pass on, I never really considered this option. While Paul had a disease and was struggling he was always a fighter and would get through it. Maybe this was his way of saying “Enough.” I fucking miss him every day, in every moment. I feel empty and wonder if I will ever get back to feeling half whole again.